Trebuchet List: A matter of zepplins, catapults, and the right cutlery

By | October 8, 2009
Wreckage of the :en:Zeppelin LZ4 after the cra...
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It probably helps to imagine this conversation not taking place over Facebook, but in a Victorian Era decor club somewhere before brandy, cigars and the 19th Century were scientifically demonstrated to be incredibly unhealthy activities. It’s also an alternate universe where the Trebuchet List is more of a set of guidelines than prohibitions.

Our players are Chancellor of the Exchequer Shridutt Devagirir and your not so humble host.

Stephen: Bunnings. Good chaps for a rock flinging device of doom

Shridutt: Esp. if you use multiple stores

Stephen: Well, if I need multiple trebuchets…I’d have to hire a flatbed truck too

Shridutt: or a blimp. Because nothing says BAMF better than an armed blimp.

Stephen: You can’t use a trebuchet on a zepplin. It’s just…IT’S TACKY

Shridutt: fine, Ballistae then. I sense some resentment that you didn’t think of arming a blimp

Stephen: Zepplins are a refined bomber class, with some light air to air defensive gunnery. The trebuchet is a form of field artillery. It’s like serving fish with a red wine

Shridutt: Yes. THE PARADOX! They will never see it coming! “PISH man! Who would arm a blimp? You’re fired!” “But sir!”

Stephen: Not to mention, the stablising mechanisms for counteracting the trebuchet’s rock displacement would potentially distort the aerodynamics of

the airship, and then there’s the point where you’re carry whopping great rocks on a lighter than air dirigible.

Shridutt: yeah you’d need really small siege weapons

Stephen: I mean, really, who hauls half a bloody mountain into the sky to fling it at someone?

Shridutt: um, the Brothers GF from Final Fantasy VIII did that

Stephen: I mean, apart from them.

Shridutt: Good point. Probably no one that wasn’t pixellate

Stephen: I mean, sure, the Prussian First Airborne Experimental Ballistics Unit, but they ended their careers after the incident in Munich

Shridutt: I see. Wait, were they the ones considering manned cruise missiles?

Stephen: After Lord Mountbatten covered up the Flying Flinging Fusileer’s drunken antics with a catapult and hot air balloon and a laundry wagon, it’s a miracle the phrase “What happens in Prague, stays in Prague” didn’t include the bloody lot of them.

At which point, Chancellor of the Exchequer Shridutt expressed polite doubt as to the veracity of my story.

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