Tag Archives: trebuchetlist

The Trebuchet List Addendum

In which our hero continues his quest to stay the extended minimum distance required out of trouble of his own making. New additions to the self imposed object exile include

  • dry ice
  • blendtec blenders
  • All hand puppets. Especially the ones that look quite creepy when I use them.
  • Loot mobs. Clarification: Mobs of looters, under my command, following my orders. Mobs that drop loot are still fair game.
  • Meat glue. Meat shirt. In fact, any meat sculpture
  • Tesla coils.
  • Am no longer allowed to declare any apocalypse. Must wait for 3rd party authorised apocalypses
  • Homeopathy. Anything up and including pranking sceptic camp
  • Injectable cheese (Any cheese format that can be administer to food, or food recipient through syringe format)
  • Remote access chemistry labs, physics labs, and any form of lab gear I can run off an iPad
  • Hypnosis. Self or otherwise. All hail HypnoSteve!
  • Autotune.
  • e-cigarettes. Up to and including coffee enhanced nicotine
  • Nicotine patches. I may not start using a device designed to ease people off a stimulant.
  • Silicon implants.
  • RFID Microchipping for me (unless I get the ear tattoo and neck microchip at the same time)
  • Subscriptions to Trebuchet and Catapult Monthly. Clarification: Also not allow to start and/or publish the Trebuchet and Catapult Monthly magazine.
  • Any idea contained in a sentence starting with “I probably shouldn’t”
  • God Games, Life Simulators, and any virtual pet that has a risk of fatality from user intent or user neglect. Including:
    • Tamagotchis. Just because I taped down the punishment button to see what happened next is no reason to believe I’d do anything untoward to the new models.
    • Pokemon. See Tamagotchis. What’s the point of being nice to a fighting animal that’s going to die in a small red ball?
    • Any form of Furby. Which was annoying, because I’d already ordered my Frankenfurby science kit before all of my patients victims were liberated from my possession
    • The Sims. Just because the first one was murdered by an enraged neighbour doesn’t mean the next few hundred would die by that particular method. There are other means to wipe out whole suburbs of the pesky critters.
  • The Entire City of Leon, French Lyon and anyone by the name of Leon
  • Gordon Freeman
  • Temporary Exemption Generators
  • Prohibited Class (Activity): No longer permitted to rock the casbar with or without Shariff approval.

Addendum to the Legitimacy List

  • Officially Nerf Branded: I realised that lately several of the objects in my extensive Nerf weapons locker are technical violations of the Trebuchet list. Mainly the two maces (reference and citations) which break Rule 25. Prohibited Object (Class): Single handed or dual handed bladed, energy or forestry weapons. If they build an official Nerf trebuchet, it’s on.
  • Permitted to Name Weapons: I call it Vera is a legitimate move.

#TrebuchetList Update – Non transferable lessons in modding

47. Prohibited Conduct (activity): Preemptive Body Modification Based Carpal Tunnel Surgery.
47.A. Exemption: Preemptive actual surgery as proscribed by real doctor or other state recognised medically qualified staff that involves some form of preventative or proactive recognised medical procedural covered by my medical insurance.
47.B. Exclusion: I am a doctor, just not that type of doctor.
47.C. Exclusion: Body modification (classic), body modification (extreme), body modification (disco).

Explanation: I spend one day research Nerf Gun modifications with a sore left wrist, and start thinking about putting better carpal tunnels into my wrists, based on the combined principles of science, medicine and nerf gun mods. The bit where I started considering merging the design and modification ethic of the steampunk movement with radical wrist surgery caused @jennifergearing to trigger the Right of Trebuchet Rule.

Sensible people in my life put preemptive surgery on the list. I am so glad the trebuchet list has staff. I suspect it was the bit where I suggested the steampunk carpal tunnel implants based on the principles of nerf gun modification. Barrel extensions of engraved copper for the inner nervous system would be nanosteampunk, right?

New rule

Any estimation of time plus the words “and a hot glue gun” now joins “Is it a bad idea if…” in the list of auto-filters that means whatever was going to occur after the time quote will not be occurring. At all. Ever.

Example: Whilst looking at a stack of discarded old textbooks, an initial thought of “I’ll need two hours and a hot glue gun…” immediately invoked the Right of Trebuchet Rule.